Picture this: you’re making dinner, and the children are making a ruckus, dropping toys all over the house. You’ve made several attempts to tell them to settle down and pick up the mess they’ve made, because dinner is almost ready and you’re about to sit down to eat. There’s noise, kids running everywhere, and every so often one of them bumps into you as they rush past, causing you to spill the tomato sauce you’ve been working on.
No one is listening.
You are overstimulated and tired, and before you know it, you yell at them: “Stop it, stop running, pick up your toys, and sit down to eat!”
Afterwards, you wonder, “Was I wrong?”
Was this wrong?
The short answer is no — it was not wrong. There is nothing wrong with raising your voice at times to get your children’s attention, especially when you’ve already made several attempts and they haven’t responded. In the example above, the mom may have yelled at her kids, but she never spoke to them inappropriately.
It’s also human to lose our cool during stressful moments. You don’t have to be perfect every second of the day. That’s not only impossible, it’s not expected.
You are not a bad parent because you raised your voice or because you yelled.
When does yelling become a problem?
Yelling becomes a problem when it’s constant and uncontrolled; when your main form of communication is not to talk with your kids but to yell.
Here are the most prominent bad traits of yelling:
- Feels like a one-sided screaming match
- Filled with rage
- You feel out of breath
- You insult your children
- You constantly use profanity when addressing them
- You belittle them
- You start screaming as soon as you get angry or as soon as anything inconveniences you
This type of behavior creates a chaotic environment in the home, where there’s never any real peace. It also creates an immense emotional distance between parent and child.
If this is the usual form of communication in your home, it’s time to self‑evaluate and make some changes. Constant yelling is not conducive to healthy communication and leads to unhealthy family relationships.
This kind of behavior is verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive toward the child.
How does constant yelling affect the children?
Raising your voice from time to time to get your child’s attention is normal. But constantly yelling — as we’ve previously described — can have lasting repercussions for children.
Here are 6 lasting effects yelling has on children:
- Dysregulated nervous system (sleep disturbances, irritability, hypervigilance, etc.)
- Breeds insecure children, who grow into insecure adults
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Physical symptoms (digestive issues, palpitations, among others)
These are just a few of the lasting effects seen in children who grow up in these types of environments. When children are constantly exposed to a home where yelling is expected at all times, it trains them to stay on alert, always on their toes, waiting for something to go wrong. They can’t relax because they never know when the next explosion will come.
This sends their nervous system into overdrive. They learn early on that they can never let their guard down and that even small mistakes may trigger major upset. It also communicates that mistakes are unacceptable and that nothing less than perfect is allowed.
Many parents fall back on the belief that they were raised the same way and “turned out fine.” Chances are, they didn’t. More likely, they learned to function by developing their own coping mechanisms — but they may still struggle with anxiety, depression, dysregulation, or other challenges.
For more information regarding this topic, check out this article I found from Healthline.com 5 Serious Long-Term Effects of Yelling At Your Kids .
To wrap up
Raising your voice or yelling at your kids in certain circumstances is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s necessary to get their attention or to warn them of a dangerous situation. And sometimes we simply lose our cool because they were being unruly; that’s normal.
However, it becomes a problem when yelling is your go‑to form of communication. If every interaction involves yelling, losing your composure over every inconvenience, or responding with rage and foul language, that’s different. This type of yelling is extremely harmful to children and should be avoided, as it is a form of abuse.
Yelling can leave children with lasting effects that follow them throughout their development and into adulthood. It affects them not only emotionally, but also psychologically and physically. That’s why we must use our words purposely and mindfully, so we can build our children up and set them on a path toward success.
Pssss… You might be interested in reading Getting angry at our children Is it bad?
