When it comes to raising children, there are so many ways to go about it. Everyone has their own method, ideology, and approach. But there is something that, regardless of how you choose to parent, everyone must decide: teach their children by examples that they are setting or by telling them what is expected on how they should behave.
Some people choose to teach by example. After all, children look up to their parents. They are their children’s main role models. By modeling the behavior that they wish their kids would follow, it creates the opportunity for them to see it in action.
Others may choose to teach their children by telling them what is expected of them and which path they should follow. As we all know, children need guidance. They are unable to make the best choices because they are young and unexperienced. Parents are their protectors and guide, while they navigate this crazy world.
So, which one is better?
Let’s take a look at the pros and cons that they each present.
Teaching By Example
This method of teaching has been proven to be a very good way to teach children. As soon as children begin to walk and talk, it is common to see them walking or speaking in ways that mimic their parents. They might even declare that they want to be like their parents when they grow up, whether it is to be the same in personality or career. Or perhaps, they want to have the same virtue or gift that their parents might possess.
This happens not only because of the love they have for their parents, but because of the admiration they feel towards them. Children respect their parents and desire to be just like them.
However, there are some drawbacks with this approach. Leading by example is great, but leaves the child having to fill in the blanks and put meaning behind our actions. Being that they may not understand the reasons why we have acted in a certain manner, children might come to the wrong conclusion as to why we decided to act in the way we did.
Sometimes, they may not even take the slightest notice of what it is you are trying to teach. It could simply go right over their heads and never even know that there was a lesson to be learned.
Pros:
- Children can observe our behavior in real life situations
- Makes it easier for children to model same conduct
Cons:
- The child might not understand your actions and apply the wrong meaning to them
- Some things might go unnoticed, and the child could be completely unaware of the lessons you were trying to teach
Teaching By Telling Them What To Do
Whether they will admit it or not, children desperately need their parents to tell them what to do. From the moment they are born, they are in need of direction and guidance. They are going through constant change and have to make sense of a world full of customs and things that they have not learned yet. They are also learning how to form social connections and how to be self-sufficient.
Parents have been given the task and beautiful responsibility to teach their children how to navigate this world and the society that we live in. By providing clear instructions of how they should carry themselves, they learn how to behave and the right path they should stay on.
Nevertheless, this is not a fool proof approach either. You see, parents are not perfect. We are also bound to make mistakes and not act in the best ways all the time.
Our kids (or anyone for that matter) do not like to be lectured. It can become burdensome and plainly annoying if they see we live by the motto “do as I say, not as I do”. It makes our words lose meaning and become less effective because they will begin to disregard what we are trying to teach them. The child might see us as hypocrites that don’t follow our own advice.
As kids get older, they begin to notice more and more that we are not the perfect beings that they once thought we were. If our actions differ from what we have been teaching them, you might find yourselves hearing the words “practice what you preach”.
Pros:
- Children have guidance
- It avoids confusion as to how they should behave and what is expected of them (i.e.: being a good student, not committing crimes, etc.)
Cons:
- Words may lose meaning in the child’s eyes if your actions differ from your lessons, causing them to disregard your message
- If the parent isn’t modeling the advice, the child might lose respect for the parent
So, which one is better?
In my opinion, both.
I think that by just sticking with one, it may create room for important things to fall through the cracks. But, if you implement both methods together, you get the perfect harmony.
Children need to be able to see their parents setting the standard of what is expected of them. Watching parents in action while they tackle daily life and everything that arises from it. While at the same time, explaining to them why they have taken certain actions while avoiding others. That way, there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding regarding our intent when we handle matters.
Let’s use a cooking example. When making dessert, such as ice cream, you do not only add sugar or sweet ingredients. Even though it’s a dish that is expected to be sweet, it will still need salt to create the perfect balance. If salt was not added to ice cream, it would not be as delicious as it could be.
It is the same principle. By implementing leading by example and preaching your teachings together, you get the perfect blend. A balanced approach. Then, the way you decide to raise your children, is the flavor of ice cream that you choose.
In Conclusion
At the end of the day, we are all doing our best to raise our children to be people of good. That they can eventually go into the world being decent, successful human beings. And in order to do that, they need our guidance and support. Steering them from the bad and toward the good.
So, what do you think? Which one do you believe is the better method? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment box below.
Psss…You might also be interested in 8 Gifts We Can Give Our Children So They Can Grow Into Good Adults.
