The Reality Of Being A Stay-At-Home-Mom In The Modern Age

Back in the day, women staying at home to care for the house and children was normal. If anything, women working outside of the home was rarely seen, and at times, frowned upon. In modern times, this story has changed.

Nowadays, whether it is by choice or necessity, modern women go out into the work-place to join peers and pursue a career to earn money to support herself and her family. The women’s movement gave us the gift of being able to make this choice for ourselves.

Today, a lot of women have made the decision to stay home with their kids and not work outside of the home. To many, this is an archaic, outdated or a traditional lifestyle. To others, is a beautiful and fulfilling way of living. Many people have different opinions on the subject and every woman has her own experience or point of view on the matter.

I have to admit that I used to have some negative views about SAHMs (Stay-At-Home-Moms). I was conditioned by society’s narrative of them. And boy, was I wrong. My opinion drastically changed after I became one myself and my eyes were opened in more ways than one.

So, if you have recently become a SAHM, are thinking about it or are just curious about what it’s like; it’s possible that you might find yourself with no one to ask about the realities of being one in the modern age.

If that’s the case, I have a few things that I would love to share with you.

It is work!

Housekeepers, nannies, and chefs are praised for their hard work. We pay them for their services because we understand that no one would do it for free. But when it comes to Stay-At-Home-Parents, it is seen as if they are lazy and are simply living their best life.

But this is very far from the truth. We do not get breaks or days off. We are expected to get everything done around the house, have food ready, on top of caring for small children. If you were to employ a person to do this, you would spend a pretty penny contracting these services.

Even though I do not work outside the home, I am still working and contributing towards the economy of my family (not to mention how much we save on expensive daycares).

People think you do nothing all day

Oh yes, the good old “what-do-you-do-all day-people”. The moment people hear that you are a SAHM, they immediately assume that you are at home getting massages all day while your housekeeper runs your home, and that the nanny takes care of the children. It is as if they think that you are basking in the sun while a laundry service comes in to gather all the clothes that need cleaning (including those dreadful never-ending-teeny-tiny kids’ laundry that seem to reproduce on the hamper while you are away).

I wish I had that level of wealth! Not hating on the rich mommas, I know you have your own struggles.

I’m just saying, I wish. It will be amazing, but alas, I don’t. So, trust me, I don’t have as much free time as I would like.

Forces you to be more confident in your choices

You have to grow some thick skin. It will catch you off guard once you see that even your loved ones will suddenly begin to look down on you, as if you are less of a person because you work at home pro-bono now. This may sting, but just let it slide off of you because you are making the right choice for you and your family.

You will feel like you need to account for your day

I’m not gonna lie. This one took me by surprise. I realized that I was pressuring myself to have a detailed account of all the productive things I did during the day. When I worked outside of the home, I NEVER did this. I would just say that I had gone to work and done my job. I would say if I was tired or not. That’s it. I didn’t feel the need to say all the things that I had done that day or all the fires that I had put out.

But when I became a SAHM, I realized that I had been keeping a record of everything that I had done to prove that I was busy.

It’s very tiring

I will never forget one day, after I had been staying home with my first child full time, I was having a conversation with my husband. I told him that I had never been so tired in my life, as I was feeling after becoming a SAHM.

When I was working outside the home, I got to drop off my kid in daycare and go to work. Have adult interactions, take my lunch break in peace, and use the bathroom by myself. But as a SAHM, that’s literally impossible.

I was shoving the food in my mouth quickly while the baby allowed it. The bathroom was no longer a sanctuary, but a meeting room, and I had no time off. I was on duty all day, every day, and night. No breaks, no days off.

Isolating

If you do not have a good support system or a strong circle of friends, you will find yourself very lonely. Even with a good foundation, many of your friends will probably be at work and you will have no one to talk to, except for a baby and/or small children. Maybe your interactions will mainly come from grocery stores and calls to the customer service department from your internet provider.

This can prove very difficult if you have an extroverted personality. Even for some introverts, it can be challenging. It’s not all rainbows.

You might feel like you lost your worth

People’s identities often revolve around their jobs and careers. If you do not bring in money, this can make you feel like you are less than your peers. Or if you are not pursuing a career, many women feel like they are not doing anything meaningful with their lives.

I know, is kinda baffling. Especially considering that; the most valuable and meaningful thing in the world, which is raising your children and keeping them safe, is one of your main job descriptions. Which also allows you to raise them in the way that you see fit.

But our minds tend to wander and make us feel like that’s not enough.

Is not for everyone

A lot of women that I know, have admitted to me that they could never be a SAHM. Not because they were looking down on it but because they felt that they were not up to the challenge. They love the freedom and sense of worth that their jobs and careers provide them. Being apart from their children and having the liberty of being able to just be themselves and feeling independent, helps them feel whole and be better mothers.

We love doing it

For those of us that are SAHMS, we know that it’s not the most fancy or prestigious job out there, in the eyes of society.

But it is SO worth it and we love it.

Nothing can ever compare to having the freedom to be able to be always present for our children, and being available for them when they need us. We don’t have to stress about calling out of work because our child is sick. Or leaving early again because the school nurse called and you have to go pick your child up from school.

We get to witness every moment. Experience all of their firsts. Taking in this time of their lives, that is fleeting and will never come back. We get to bond so deeply with our children and get to know them even more. The days are long, but the years go by so fast. We take everything in and carve it in our memories. This fills our hearts with joy and purpose.

Whether you choose to be a SAHM or not, it doesn’t make you a worse or better parent than others. We all find our way. There’s not only one way of raising children nor a standard family structure. Every woman and every family must make this decision for themselves considering what’s best for their own family.

At the end of the day, we are all moms just doing our best. And we should all support each other, regardless of the path that the other chooses to embark on. Motherhood can sometimes feel like a thankless job, no matter how we go about it.

Therefore, regardless of where you are, how you parent, or which path you take, I want to sincerely tell you:

You are doing great.

You might also want to check out 8 Benefits of Being A Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM).