Should Parents Apologize To Their Kids?

I remember I was having a conversation with someone about the different challenges and situations that arise when raising children. We touched on the topic of instances when you make a mistake and scold them for something they didn’t do.

The person replied that it had happened to them a few times but they never apologize to their children because it had already been done. They added that the right course of action was just to let it go and move on.

I thought about this for a while and wondered, is this the right thing to do? And the truth is, I don’t believe it is.

You see, even though our children are under our authority, they are still human beings that deserve respect and be treated fairly. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you were wrong and apologize for your mistake.

Here are some reasons why apologizing to our kids is beneficial.

1. Builds respect

When our children see that we take accountability for our own mistakes, it strengthens the respect that they already have for us. They learn that we are fair and accountable for our actions. This encourages them to keep our words in high regard.

2. Builds trust

Following respect, comes trust. They know that they can trust us and that we will never put them in a position that will be unfavorable to them. They know that if they have done something wrong or not, we will always be fair.

3. Builds their self-worth

They learn that they are valuable and that they deserve respect. When we, as their parent, show them respect, we teach them that even though they are children, they are their own person. We teach them that this is the standard by which they should live and expect from the people around them.

4. Apologizing is not a weakness

There’s the misconception that apologizing shows weakness. This is misguided.

When we apologize, we show accountability, strength and growth. This is important for healthy development.

5. Teaches them to apologize

By modeling healthy behavior, our children learn that this is an important step we sometimes might have to take. It may not always be easy or pleasant, but it is very necessary.

6. Teaches them to process apologies

Our kids will learn to apologize to others, but they also have to learn how to process an apology when given to them.

Just like adults, sometimes we need to process an apology because we do not know how we feel about it. By setting the example at home, they learn to process their feelings, express them and also how to accept an apology. It gives them the opportunity to learn these skills in the safety of their home where they feel the most secure.

This also gives them the opportunity to learn how to forgive.

7. Shows them no one is perfect

Including us. This will not make them look down on us, but look up to us. They will understand that no one, not even their parents, are perfect.

We all make mistakes.

They learn that everyone around them make mistakes. Their friends, teachers and family members. In turn, they will understand that they, themselves, make mistakes too. That this doesn’t mean that they are a bad kid or that there is something wrong with them. Is just that, this is a part of life and we just need to learn how to handle it.

They learn not to be over critical of themselves. Instead, they learn to acknowledge their mistake and correct it so they don’t make it again. 

8. Strengthens your bond

Being able to do this will also strengthen your bond. Psychology today says “Every time you and your children repair a situation in this way, your close bond is restored. Your child internalizes this way of problem-solving, and it becomes a positive model for the future.”

There is truly no downside in being vulnerable in this way with our kids. It may be difficult at times to do this, as it could be a little uncomfortable. Just keep in mind that, at the end, it is completely worth it.

Although things are changing, in my culture (Caribbean family) this is something hardly seen. However, I am doing it differently with my children. I want to create a safe space for them and help them see that they are important and worthy of respect. I want to make sure that we have a strong bond and open communication.

Sometimes that means that we will have to look at their little faces, crouch down and say “I’m sorry”.