Ok, I’ll say it first: It is annoying to deal with a child that is a sore loser!
There, now that we have pointed out the elephant in the room, let’s move on. If you have a child who is a sore loser, then you know how annoying and frustrating it can be.
They often walk away from games or throw tantrums because they didn’t win or kept losing at a game. They get into arguments with their siblings, and it becomes a huge problem that the entire family gets dragged into.
That means you have to deal with it and untangle the mess.
When you have a child that is allergic to losing gracefully, it can be challenging to keep your cool.
We may be in a rush to figure out a way to help them lose with grace. But before we do, we need to understand why this is happening in the first place in order to help them.
What is a sore loser?
In simple terms, it’s someone who gets angry, irritated, or throws a tantrum when they lose. They have a tendency of blaming others when they don’t win, and these actions are a regular occurrence and not isolated events.
Why is it bad?
The child may struggle to accept when they have failed and might try to blame others for their failures. It can start them on a bad path of never accepting or taking accountability for anything that goes wrong in their life.
Through playing, children begin to learn how to interact with others, appropriate social behaviors, problem solving skills, and communication skills. If the sore loser behavior is allowed to go on, it will solidify as part of their personality, making it a very hard habit to break later on.
This may affect their friendships and relationships, as they may become angry and even violent when things don’t go their way.
How does it affect the child?
· Struggle to play with other kids
Other kids may pull away from the child that displays a sore loser behavior. No one wants to play with someone that gets angry and argumentative each time they lose.
The sore loser has no problem walking away mid-game. This can be very frustrating to deal with. Therefore, children may not want to play with them anymore.
· May have a hard time making friends
No one wants to have a friend that takes the fun out of games, and for kids, this is extremely important. Children bond with their peers through play, if they can’t connect in this way, their friendships will probably struggle to blossom.
· May carry into adulthood
Being a sore loser usually begins during childhood. It is hard to accept that you have lost to someone else. This is part of growing up.
The problem is that when a child does not learn how to manage and accept losses, they may carry that into adulthood. This will affect them in their professional life, as well as their personal relationships. Whenever something doesn’t go their way, they will blame other people and become angry.
Why are some people sore losers?
We all know the euphoric feeling of winning. It fills us with joy and pride. It is the ultimate reward for our efforts. After doing our best, we came in first. It’s a huge boost to our confidence and ego; it proves that we are the best.
On the other hand, when we lose, we get a big punch in the gut. We may feel embarrassed, uncapable, and disappointed. It’s a big strike to our ego and might make us feel frustrated.
It is hard to accept that this time, someone was better than us. Thus, we may lash out to cover up all of the negative feelings that we are experiencing.
8 Ways you can help your child not be a sore loser
1. Teach them that losing is part of life
And it stinks! Yes, it does. No one will ever say “Yaaayyyy! I lost!”.
We can acknowledge that we feel upset and disappointed that we didn’t win this time. It is ok to be sad when we lose. However, we still have to be good sports about it and learn how to lose with grace.
Losing is one of the most unsavory parts of life. However, instead of choosing to wallow on the loss, we can choose to focus on how much fun we had, what we learned, and be happy for our friends that got to win.
We will never succeed at every single thing we do. It is important to accept that fact. Now, this doesn’t mean that we suck and should not even try. Failure is an opportunity to do better the next time around.
2. Teach them how to regulate their emotions
Help your child learn how to calm down and not let their emotions get the best of them. You can find a way to express their frustrations in a healthy way, as opposed to losing their head when they lose.
You can try breathing exercises, acknowledging how they are feeling and why (validating their frustration), focusing on the good parts, or taking up journaling to express and explore their feelings. This will give them the chance to look at what happened and have a balanced view of the events and how this made them feel.
Sometimes, just talking about it with someone else will help them feel better and realize things are not as bad as it seemed in their mind.
Related: How To Manage Your Child Angry Outburst
3. Do not let them quit
Your child might be notorious for walking away mid-game. Do NOT let them do that. They have to finish the game, regardless of if they are losing. They have to learn good manners and good sportsmanship.
Your child may have a bad attitude at first and might even refuse to go back and play. Stay firm and don’t let them quit.
You can try to reason with your child too. You can ask them how would they feel if someone did the same thing to them and walked away in the middle of the game. Most likely, they will acknowledge that it would be upsetting if someone did that. Gently explain that that’s what they would be doing if they leave, and make it clear that doing so would not be fair.
With time, your child will learn to finish the games they start.
4. Must shake hands
At the end of a game (especially if they tried to leave or were throwing tantrums) they have to shake hands with whoever they were playing with and say, “good game”.
You can even use the example of pro sports. You can use their favorite sport and/or favorite players to point out how they shake hands after a game. Explain that even the best players lose often but they never quit mid-game and always shake hands at the end of every game.
At first, your child may go with a scowl on their face, mumble the words, and give the flimsiest handshake ever. They will not want to do this at all. But tell them to do it anyway.
Eventually they will get used to it and learn that they must always display good sportsmanship.
5. Set a good example
Lead by example. Let your child see you lose in a healthy manner. When you play video games or board games with them and you lose, say something like: “Oh man, I lost this time. It stinks, but it’s ok because I had fun playing with you. Maybe next time”.
Acknowledge that you lost, that it’s not pleasant, but that you had fun regardless. There will always be other chances at winning, but today, they got the best of you.
Don’t make it a big deal and turn it into a positive experience.
6. Throw them a bone
Let them win sometimes. But not all the time! Just sometimes so they don’t get too down on the dumps.
I think we can all agree that playing is no fun if you always lose. I mean, even as adults, we would probably walk away frustrated if we only lost when we are playing games.
This won’t spoil them. It will be an incentive to keep trying and continue playing. So, throw the kid a bone from time to time.
7. Play quick games
Play games that have a quick turn over, that way each game doesn’t get dragged out for too long and you can quickly start a new one.
Games like Rock Paper Scissors, Tic Tac Toe, I spy, and Simon says, are great to play with your child. They provide a lot of chances for winning and losing, and you can quickly start the next round. That way, your child doesn’t have to sit on their loss for a long stretch of time taking away the possibility of them quitting mid-game. The goal is for them to accept the loss, continue playing, and know that they may win the next round.
8. Teach them to win with grace
One thing that most sore losers have in common is that they can be so annoying when they win! They love to boast about their win and trash talk to their opponents.
Teach your child to win and celebrate with grace. Not to rub it on their friends’ faces or call them names. Encourage them to still say “good game” after their win.
Good sportsmanship also means not putting their opponents down when they have come on top. They still need to be polite and respectful toward others whom also did their best during the game.
To wrap up
Your child is not trying to be bad and make things difficult. They are trying to make sense of the loss and navigate through the unpleasant feeling of losing. Now is the time for you to step in and redirect their behavior in a positive direction.
Stay consistent and arm yourself with a lot of patience, and you will see results. Your child is not going to improve from one day to the next; you might have a lot of days when your children will bicker amongst themselves because one is walking away mid-game, or because somebody got mad. You will wonder when will they stop arguing every time they are playing a game.
They will call you to intervene and help more times than you would like to admit. And there will be days that you will want to leave home and have a Caribbean vacation all by yourself, lol. But hang in there, because with time, they will get much better at it.
