We have all received unsolicited advice, whether it was from a close loved one or a complete stranger in the street. It seems like everyone always wants to bestow on you their wisdom. Sometimes, the advice is very much welcomed and needed. Other times, not so much.
We may have found ourselves on both sides of the fence, being the ones on the receiving end or the ones giving the advice.
Unsolicited advice is so common when it comes to parenting. It seems like everyone has some advice they want to give you regarding your child or you. There might be times when the parent is glad to receive a different perspective, but for many, it’s mostly ill-received and can cause annoyance.
What is unsolicited advice and why it may be not well received?
As we can see, the problem with unsolicited advice is that sometimes it might make the person feel judged. Even if that was not the intent of the advice giver, the person receiving it might feel like they are being criticized.
What do people give most parenting unsolicited advice for?
I am sure that you already have a list on your mind of all of the advice you received as soon as you were pregnant. Oh yes, it starts as soon as people find out that you are expecting. Everyone tells you what you should and shouldn’t eat or drink, the clothes you should be wearing, what you should or shouldn’t do with your hair, the type of birth you should have, and WHERE you should have it.
And just when it feels like people have run out of advice to give you, you have the baby.
Then it turns into why you should only breastfeed, how you should be holding your baby, why it’s bad to use that stroller, their views on pacifiers, and the list goes on.
You see, most of the time people are just excited to share the knowledge they have acquired throughout the years and are excited to pass it on. The problem is that sometimes it never stops. The advice just keeps coming like a flowing river.
What should you do then?
6 Tips to handle unsolicited advice
1. Take it with a grain of salt
Even though it can be a little annoying, often times people are just trying to help or give you an idea that could possibly make things easier for you. There are not any bad intentions behind the advice and they aren’t trying to judge you or make you feel like you are unable to get a handle on things.
People usually mean well. It is possible that they may cross your boundaries, but it’s probably done accidentally.
If the person is giving you advice out of goodwill, just thank them for it and take the parts that might work for you. This is completely up to your discretion.
2. Breathe
Some people say that this does nothing for them. But the truth is that by taking a deep breath you give yourself time to think before you speak. Therefore, allowing yourself a few extra seconds to put your thoughts and words together.
At the same time, when you take a deep breath, you are giving yourself the chance to clear your mind and not allow anger or frustration to take over. You see, if the advice given to you has an underlying hint of hostility, criticism, or shaming tone to it, it can be very hard to keep your emotions under control. Our natural reaction would be to want to explode and put the transgressor in their place.
However, acting rashly will only give way for the other person to turn things around and make themselves the ones feeling attacked.
So, take a second, and take a deep breath.
3. Remember you know your child best
People may have good intentions when giving you parenting advice, but they do not know your child. This is not to say that they do not have any experience with children or that their knowledge is not useful. You can learn a lot of tips and tricks from experienced parents. However, these well-intended people do not know your child and may not know that some of their tips won’t work with yours.
Therefore, do not be intimidated if you are a young parent or a new parent. You know your child best.
4. Determine if it needs to be addressed
If you feel that your boundaries have been crossed, or the advice given felt like criticism, you should assess if you would need to address it with the person in question.
You might decide that it’s better to leave it as is because it might be more trouble than what it’s worth. But you may also choose to address it if it made you feel uncomfortable.
5. Reach out to a trusted person if it’s becoming a problem
If you are constantly receiving unsolicited advice from a person to the point that it’s begun to be a problem, you may want to reach out to a trusted person and seek guidance.
It can be awkward and even anxiety inducing, having to constantly deal with the same problem. This is why it can be very beneficial to ask someone for their opinion on how to address it. This might give you a different perspective and provide another approach to resolve the issue.
Note: Make sure that the person you are opening up to is someone you can trust and that has your best interest at heart. Their advice will be sincere and they will not take this information and spread it around, causing bigger problems.
6. Decide if a sit down is needed
Sometimes, even if you have politely asked the person to reserve their advice/opinions, they might not respect your boundary. It is at this time that you might have no other choice but to have a serious talk with the person in question.
You should keep in mind that they might not take it very well. Unfortunately, many people do not take well to boundaries. But this does not make you rude or a terrible person. There are times when you might be left with no other choice. Especially if said comments are not helpful and leave you feeling uncomfortable or feeling bad about yourself.
To wrap up
Most of the time, everyone is just trying to help. They may get a little carried away at times, but it does not come from a bad place.
Just remember, don’t let it make you feel insecure about your choices. As your child continues to grow, your own views will continue to evolve and change. Sometimes you will find the advice to be very beneficial and exactly what you needed at the time. Other times, it won’t apply to you or your child’s needs.
Continue to do what feels right for you and your kids. We all have our own parenting styles and philosophies. So, take the advice that is coming your way with a grain of salt, or simply move on without it. There is nothing wrong with that.
Psss… Even though handling unsolicited advice can be challenging at times, it can still come in handy and sometimes it might be exactly what we needed. This is why it’s so important to have a support system. You might be interested in reading 5 Reasons Why You Need a Tribe to Be a Happier and Better Parent.
