How To Better Understand Your Children At Any Age

 

Disclaimer: This Site cannot and does not contain medical advice. The information provided in this post is for general information and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice.

It is not uncommon as a parent to find ourselves frustrated because of a situation that is going on with our kids and we do not seem to understand what is going on or how to resolve the issue. Maybe you have a young child that won’t stop crying and seems upset but is not able to explain what is going on. Perhaps you have a preteen or teenager that is just moody and refuses to speak to you.

You find yourself at your wits end because you just don’t seem to be able to make a breakthrough and resolve whatever problem they seem to be currently having. Seriously, you have no idea of what it is that is going through their heads. So, you just find yourself feeling alone, stuck in an island that just seems to be surrounded by crying and hostility.

If you are currently going through something like this and don’t know what to do, you are not alone. It can be very challenging to establish productive forms of communication sometimes. And when you are in it, is hard to see a ray of hope.

In my experience these are the steps you may begin to take to be able to navigate, not only arguments but the everyday challenges that you may face while raising your kids at any age.

Put yourself in their shoes

This one is obviously a little bit more challenging with very small children but still applicable. Do your best to put yourself in their situation. Imagine if you not yet possess the tools to explain your feelings or frustrations. Sometimes, young and older children do not know how to explain what is wrong or why they are feeling the way that they are.

Try to understand that perhaps their outbursts are not them being bad or trying to be disrespectful. Maybe it’s their coping mechanism that they engage to protect themselves as they are probably not ready to be vulnerable. Or are just frustrated because they feel that no one understands them. Just imagine how you felt when you faced issues and were their age.

Picture this, how would you feel if you are trying to explain to someone something that is affecting you, and no matter how much you try, they don’t get it. It may be frustrating as an adult; it may even cause you to shut down. So just imagine how much more challenging it may be for them.

Take a deep breath and just do your best to see their side of things.

Don’t lecture them

As parents we are always looking out for our children, no matter how big they get. Because of this, we are always a wealth of advice to help guide them in this world so they can make good judgements and avoid poor ones that may land them in trouble.

However, we must also do our best to discern the best time to do so. Whether you are aware of the problem or not, try to avoid telling them why they are wrong or instructing them on what they should do as soon as you begin the conversation. This may cause them to simply shut down and feel they cannot talk to you. It would not be beneficial for either of you.

Listen!

This has to be the most important thing you can do. Listen to them. Let them express themselves. Don’t cut them off. If something is unclear, let them finish and then you can ask for clarification. This goes such a long way. As people, we all want to be heard and be understood and children are not the exception.

They are young humans learning the ways of the world and learning about themselves. Just let them tell you what they are thinking about or is troubling them. Let them express what their fears, insecurities and problems are. Never make light or dismiss their troubles as insignificant and not important.

If you do this, they will feel more comfortable opening up to you. Your bond and relationship will strengthen and you will be able to know what’s on their mind, thus understanding them better.

Be patient

You are not going to build this trust in a day. And if they are very upset about something (or are embarrassed to say) it might take some time before they are ready to tell you what is going on.

Remember, Rome was not built in a day.

It is going to take time to build better communication and bring down their walls. Just take one step at a time, one breath at a time. You will get there before you know it.

Be on the lookout

*Sigh* Yes, the work is never done. They won’t always tell you what’s on their mind. So, ask them questions. Ask them how was their day in school, who are their friends, what do they do together.  Ask about them, get to know them. No detail is too small. Even knowing their favorite color is so important.

Pay attention to the things that they talk about. Their words, their feelings. Look for what is said in between the lines. Sometimes children will tell you what they think you want to hear, not what’s really going on. They are not mature enough or emotionally ready to be able to explain themselves and address issues head on. It’s our job as parents to take our time to help them flourish and become good communicators.

It’s never too late to start building these bonds and get to know and understand your precious child. Love is our main driving force. With it, I am sure you can achieve anything. And know, that it will be ok. Just take it slow and one step at a time.

Psss… You might be interested in checking out How to bond better with your child.