You’re expecting another child, congratulations! This is a very joyous occasion for the entire family. Finding out that you are pregnant again may bring so many emotions and memories. You are probably excited, or maybe, dreading having to go through pregnancy again.
These feelings are all normal.
Then it suddenly dawns on you, “How is my child going to take this news? Are they going to feel jealous of the new baby? Are they going to be ok with this family change?”
It is not unusual for mothers to ask themselves these very questions. Especially, if your child has been an only child up until this point. There’s always the uncertainty of how they are going to react to their new sibling.
Do not worry! If you follow these 6 tips, you will lay the foundation for a smooth transition into big-siblinghood.
How to prepare your child
1. Tell them they are going to be a big brother or big sister
Share the happy news with your child. Tell them they are going to be a big sibling and that soon, they will have a little sibling.
If you have siblings, share anecdotes of happy moments you lived together, how fun it was growing up. You can say things like “Aunty and I have always been close. She is my best friend. You are going to have a best friend too” or “Uncle and I used to play all day long when we were little like you. Even when it was bed time, we would still be telling each other stories and laughing together. I am sure you’re gonna have lots of fun together too”.
You want to make sure that your child sees this change as a positive one. That way they’ll be looking forward to their little sibling.
2. Talk about the baby that is in your belly
Talk to your child about the baby that is growing in your belly and call them by their name. Let your child feel the baby when they are active and moving around. Make it fun for your child, tell them that their little sibling just said hi or gave them a high five. Your child will love to know that their sibling already likes them, which in turn, will make them more excited and help them look forward to meeting the baby.
Tell your child that the baby already loves them so much and that they are going to be the best big sibling ever. Ask them questions about what things do they want to teach their little brother or sister. Or perhaps, what place they would like to show them?
Older kids love to share their wisdom. So, thinking of the things that they can show the baby, will be something that they will be looking forward to.
Note: Make sure that your child understands that when they baby is born, they won’t be able to walk or talk yet. Because of this, we have to be gentle and patient.
3. Prepare your child for the arrival of the baby
Your child needs to know that babies need a lot of help. Explain to them that babies often cry, get hungry, need help getting cleaned up, and need diaper changes. Kindly explain to your child that sometimes you are going to be busy with the baby and that, at times, you will need for them to be a little patient waiting for you.
You can say something like “Babies need a lot of help. They can’t walk or eat on their own yet. They need to grow up a little more before they can do that. Babies also cry a lot. The baby might cry because they are hungry or sleepy. When that happens, we all need to be patient and kind. The baby is only crying because they can’t talk yet. But we will soon understand them the more we get to know them”.
Keep it simple. Don’t over complicate it. However, be honest. When they know what to expect, they will be ready to receive a baby and share their parents’ attention with them.
4. Include your child in caring for the baby
This is by no means to be confused with Parentification and leaving your eldest child to be the main care-giver for its younger sibling.
However, you can involve your child while you’re caring for the baby to help them form and strengthen their sibling bond.
These are some ways your child can help:
* Bringing their sibling their pacifier and putting it in their mouth
* Feeding the baby
* Playing with the baby
* Helping clean their face
It doesn’t need to be a big task or anything too important. The goal is to get them to interact together and develop that feeling of protection and love between them.
By involving your child, they will feel that the whole family is doing this together and that everyone is important. You want to avoid accidentally making them feel like they are no longer important and that all the attention goes to the baby now. Perhaps even feeling pushed aside because you are too busy only helping the baby.
When they join in, older children feel that they are not left out. On the contrary, they feel like an important part of the family and will not feel forgotten.
Don’t forget to say thank you for their help and acknowledge their contributions. It will make them happy to know that they have been helpful.
5. Compliment your child for being a good big brother or sister
Tell them they are a good big sibling throughout your pregnancy. Any time your child is gentle with your belly, or picks out a toy for the baby sibling, acknowledge their efforts and attentiveness.
By doing this, you will not only build their confidence, but they will also feel proud and happy to become a big brother or sister soon.
Keep doing this even after the baby arrives.
6. Spend 1 on 1 time with your child
Make sure that you are spending time with just them, before and after the baby comes. It is not abnormal for children to feel jealous of the baby that has just joined the family. They may feel that their parents no longer have time for them. This is why you need to be purposeful with your time and attention.
Go out together on a walk, get ice cream, or play with toys in their room. The point is to ensure that your child doesn’t feel displaced by the baby. Instead, that they feel that the baby has joined their family and that they are still important.
To wrap up
Most kids get excited when they learn that they are going to be a big sibling. They immediately begin to think about how they are going to play together and all the fun they will have.
You want to keep that excitement going by making positive associations between them and this new stage the family is going to enter.
When I became pregnant with my second child, I followed all of the points mentioned above. And do you know what happened when my oldest met his baby brother for the first time? It was love at first sight. He had already established a bond with his baby brother. We talked about the baby in my belly and called the baby by its name. By the time he was born, my oldest child already knew him. As time went on, their bond just grew deeper and stronger. Now, they are inseparable.
So, if you are expecting another child and are wondering how the transition into a bigger family will be, I tell you that it’s going to be great. Children bring joy and life to the home. And as for your older child, they are going to love being a big sibling and having a new best friend.
