Many times, when a woman becomes a mom, they make the choice to become a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM). That’s the choice I made a few months after my first child was born. It is not something I had planned, but am happy that things turned out that way and I decided to stay the course.
However, not everyone is able or wishes to make this life choice for themselves. It is better for them and their families to continue working outside of the house and/or working on their careers. They are also able to reap a lot of benefits for themselves and their families.
I usually write from the point of view of a SAHM and do my best to encourage those that are staying at home with their kids. However, I wanted to write a piece for the working mothers that have to wear so many hats and are doing their best to balance it all.
Here are some things I want you to know
Ignore Guilt
Guilt may take front and center. Sometimes it feels like you can’t win when it comes to Motherhood. If you stay home, then you have no dreams and are unproductive. If you go to work, then it must mean that you are putting your kids second. This guilt trip sometimes comes from societal pressures, but many times, the pressure comes from within. We can be very hard on ourselves and feel like we are not doing things the right way.
The truth is, none of the above is true. That is not an accurate way to measure a mother’s love. If you work outside of your home, whether it is because you need the income, you want to pursue and advance your career, or you prefer to have your own money, it doesn’t mean that you love your children any less.
It means that you love them and you want to provide for them to the best of your ability. That’s what good mothers do.
Motherhood looks different for everyone
There’s not a template that every mother must follow in order to be a good mom. We all have a different view on what motherhood looks like. You do not need to be the next Betty Crocker to be a perfect mom.
Every family finds their own groove and implement the lifestyle that best work for them. Just because certain life choices worked wonders for some people (including close family and friends) doesn’t mean that they will have the same effect on yours.
So, do not stress. Focus on yourself and your family, and everything will work out.
A happy Mom makes a happy family
That’s right. If you are unhappy, everyone will be. Your mood will affect your children and your relationship with your partner. You cannot fit yourself into a mold that does not work for you. Two things can be true at the same time: you can love your children AND love your career. You don’t have to choose between the two. As long as you keep a balance, everything will work out just fine.
Ultimately, your family will thrive if everyone is in a good place.
Resentment
I think we all know that the stay-at-home lifestyle is not for everyone. If you force yourself to live in a way that is unfulfilling for you, it’s only going to create resentment. And I think that’s the last thing you want to do, to sit back, and feel resentful of your kids and partner because you lost out on opportunities and personal growth.
It’s ok to pursue your dreams and do your best to achieve them.
You might not be in a position to do so
Some people wish they could stay home with their kids, but their economic situation does not allow them to do so. Some may be single mothers that need to provide for their children. Or perhaps, they might have a partner, but both incomes are needed in order to stay afloat.
If this is your case, know that whether you stay at home or work outside of the home, you are a great mom. We may not always be able to choose our work, but we can always choose to give our best to our kids. Focus on the quality of your time and always make sure that they feel loved and protected.
It is a vulnerable position
Staying at home puts you in a very vulnerable economic position. It takes a lot of trust and knowing your partner to relinquish that control. It can be scary for a lot of women to relinquish that financial role and take a step back.
Some women have had bad experiences that will not allow them to be financially dependent on a partner. It makes them uncomfortable, and with good reason. It can be a very scary thing to depend on another person in this way.
There is nothing wrong in wanting to be financially independent. This is a very personal decision that must be made after careful consideration and trust in your partner.
As a final point
Are you a bad Mom if you don’t stay home? No, you’re not.
Being a mom is more than the income we bring home, or how many crafts we make with our kids. Is about who we are as a woman and the approach that we choose to take on Motherhood.
The important thing is the well-being of our children. That can be achieved in different ways. You need to do what is best for you and your family, not what other people think you should be doing. No matter what you do, someone will always have an opinion.
As a working mom, you are providing for your family and also setting a good example for your children. Like any mother, you are making sacrifices for the betterment of your children and yourself. In my book, that’s a good mom.
Psss… You might be interested in reading 10 Things That Make A Good Mom.
