“I’m an imperfect mom”. “I’m a bad mom”. “I’m so bad at this”.
Have you ever had any of these thoughts? You know… the ones that keep you up at night while you’re beating yourself up. Perhaps you are thinking of something that you could have done better. Or maybe, you forgot that today was Hat-day in school, and you didn’t send your child with their favorite hat. Now you are sitting with your thoughts, thinking that you are the worst mom.
The New York Post says that “The average mom who feels like a “bad mom” today feels this way 156 times a year, according to new research”.
The truth is, we all have been there….and continue to be there at times. Every mom experiences these moments. We forget to do something, or unfortunately, completely mess something up.
As moms, we constantly think about what we could do better to be the perfect mom.
What is a perfect mom?
Short answer, a fairy tale creature that does not exist. There, you’re welcome ; ).
The truth is, there really isn’t such a thing as a perfect mom. We are bound to make mistakes along the way. We will forget all about picture day, we will get the wrong snack, and we will embarrass our kids at some point (we’ll also be bestowed with the honorary title of being “cringe” by our kids, lol).
Ultimately, perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Your family’s version of perfect is what works for you and your family.
This is why you need to be the best imperfect Mom you can be
How to be the best imperfect Mom
1. Don’t compare yourself to other people
This may be one of the toughest things to do. Not compare ourselves to other moms. We may look at that mom, you know who I’m talking about, the mom that seems to have it all figured out. The one that is always put together and her kids look perfect at all times.
We look at her, and then look at ourselves. Inevitably, we feel that we suck at this mom thing and that she is much better than we are.
Don’t do that!
This is not good for you and it adds no value to your life. Also, you need to remember that what you are seeing is the cured, polished version that is being presented to the public. You do not know what is going on behind closed doors, or that mom’s private struggles and insecurities (which we all have).
Furthermore, you need to keep in mind that what works for her, might not work for your family because every family has different needs. So, don’t compared yourself to others.
2. Take social media with a grain of salt
Social media is greatly impacting the way that mothers look at themselves. Who has not seen the perfectly manicured “A day in my life as mom” content. Don’t get me wrong, they are fun to watch and you can even pick up great ideas to implement in your home and lifestyle.
However, always keep in mind that this content is created with the goal to entertain and create an illusion of perfection. I am not saying that the content creators are selling a complete lie, but they are showing you clips of carefully selected parts that have been prepared for your consumption.
Do not think for a second that you are a bad mom because your life and routine does not match the perfectly aesthetic ones of influencers.
3. Embrace your version of perfect
Things do not need to be without flaw to be perfect for you! As I mentioned before, perfect is in the eye of the beholder.
Perhaps, you have a lively and noisy family. You may feel that the sounds of little feet going from one room to another bring life and joy to your home. Or maybe, your home is filled with calmness and conversation. You may feel that this is true happiness, to have a tranquil home where you can hear the birds chirping outside.
It doesn’t mean that one is better than the other, they are all perfect in their own way.
4. Embrace the imperfect
What if the playroom hasn’t been tidied up in a few days? Who cares if the beds were not made in the morning? Yeah, you forgot the milk when you went grocery shopping and now you have to go back, so what?
Forget about all of it.
You are making the most out of life. Juggling everything at the same time, and still managing to keep the train running every day.
You should be proud. You are a real mom, with real life challenges. And yet, you are still rocking at being a mom.
You are perfectly imperfect. It doesn’t get any more perfect than that.
5. Forgive yourself
When you make a mistake, accept it. But do not forget to also give yourself grace, and to treat yourself kindly.
Think about it this way: Would you say to your children or someone you love, the things you tell yourself when you do something wrong? I doubt it.
You are probably thinking that it would be too unkind, and most likely untrue.
So, why speak to yourself in that way?
Allow yourself the room to be human and mis-step or miscalculate at times. It’s ok.
6. Never stop working on yourself
Winston Churchill once said that “To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often”.
Because we are flawed, we can’t escape error. However, it’s within our power to continuously work on ourselves and improve every day.
This is what it means to be perfect. To learn and change.
Never think of yourself as “a lost cause or that you’re doing everything wrong, so why bother”. This mindset will only hold you back. Keep pushing forward and doing your best. Don’t compare your progress with other people’s achievements. Instead focus on yourself and how far you have come along.
You will surprise yourself when you see how much you have learned and improved, not only in your motherhood and parenting journey, but on your own self-growth.
It’s great to be an imperfect Mom
Imperfect moms are perfect. They are strong, comforting, edifying, caring, talented, loving, and most of all, human.
There is not only one way to be a mom. Everyone finds their own style. This journey is a long one, you will be on it for a lifetime. The way that journey looks, it’s completely up to you.
One thing is certain, it is already perfectly imperfect.
Psss… Despite our best efforts, sometimes motherhood can be overwhelming. Even so, you do not want to burn yourself out. You might be interested in reading How to Survive Mom Burnout.
