All parents want their children to be happy and have a good childhood. It is our wish to create a safe environment where they can thrive. In order to do that, they need love, encouragement, and support from their parents. Children need to know that their parents are on their corner rooting for them and that they will always be on their side, no matter what.

We reassure our kids of our love and support by our actions and by caring for them. While at the same time, encouraging them with our words.

When we use our words to praise them, we are able to reap a lot of benefits. By doing this we build their confidence while also strengthening our relationship and bond.

Here are 8 things your child needs to hear from you

1. I love you

Don’t assume that they already know this. After all, how could they not? Right?

Even if your child knows that you love them (because you show it with your actions), they still need to hear you say it. Verbal expressions of love are very important and do a world of good for their mental and emotional health.

Never let them be hungry from hearing you say it. Tell them you love them often. They can never have too much of it.

2. I’m proud of you

It really does hold a special place in a child’s heart to hear their parents tell them that they are proud of them (even when said child has become an adult). Children always look for the approval of their parents, so hearing this, will not only fill your child’s heart with joy, it will help grow their confidence. It will give them strength and a little extra push to continue doing their best.

3. I admire you for doing “X, Y, Z”

This might take your child by surprise. Since they are used to being on the other end of that feeling. They look up to YOU and admire YOU. They might be wondering how come you are the one that admires something they do.

But you know what, they need to hear it. They need to know that they also possess their own gift, and that these make them special. It will establish the foundation of their own self-worth and it will make them really happy to hear it, especially from the person that they admire and respect the most.

4. You do not need to be perfect

It is natural for kids to want to be good and make their parents proud. Whether it is because a goal of excellence has been put forth for them to achieve or perhaps, they have set high standards for themselves.

However, striving to always be perfect can become a slippery slope. Since perfection is very hard to attain, they might find themselves constantly struggling to be perfect. Anything less will be unacceptable. And as we all know; this does not make for a very happy person and may give way to developing unhealthy habits in the future.

Subconsciously, they might think that they need to always be perfect to earn your love and acceptance. Let them know that you love them just as they are, that in your eyes, they are perfect just being themselves.

Note: This is referring to natural behaviors and the normal ways in which humans are not perfect. Bad behavior cannot be encouraged or made acceptable. I would also like to point out, that children sometimes assume they need to be perfect on their own and not necessarily because parents have made them feel that way. That’s why it’s important to verbalize it to our children, so they know how we feel.

5. You’re not a failure because you didn’t get a good grade in “X class”, or “you miss the shot in the game”, etc.

Failure is a hard pill to swallow, even for adults. When we do not achieve our goals, we can get down on the dumps. It’s natural for humans to feel this way. Children, however, are still growing and learning how to deal with disappointment.

They might think that they are “losers”. Reassure them that’s not true. Everybody fails at times or make mistakes. Not to beat themselves up. Instead, encourage them to see this as an opportunity to think of ways to improve for the next time around. Whether that is by practicing more, or making more time to study. Perhaps you can offer to help them and you can practice together.

6. I will love you even if you don’t do “X thing”

Children should not feel that their parents’ love is conditional to their performance. They need to know that they are going to be loved no matter what.

Make the time to express that to them. You may say something such as “I am so proud of you for being on the Honor Roll in school. But I love you for who you are.” Or “I love how happy you are when you are playing sports and you are such a good player. It makes me happy because YOU are happy”.

This seemingly small affirmations, will let your child know that you are proud of them, but those things are not a contingency for your love.

Note: This is by no means to be interpreted as accepting damaging decisions children might make that would result in destructive consequences. i.e.: using hurtful substances, dropping out of school, etc.

7. Sorry

There will be times when we might make a mistake and need to apologize to our children. Apologize without justification and admit that you were wrong.

By doing this, you are not only setting an example on accountability, but you are also strengthening the bond with your child. At the same time, you are showing them that they are worthy of respect.

However, if there is a problem to be addressed, it’s ok to do so. But don’t use it to justify your wrong doing.

i.e.: “I am sorry for the way that I yelled and the things I said. That was not ok and I am sorry.” After clearing the air, you may say: “There is something that we need to talk about. I see that you are not doing your chores….” And move on to address the issue.

You might be interested in reading Should Parents Apologize To Their Kids to learn why doing this is so beneficial for both parents and children.

8. I’ll always be here to help

They need to know that you will always be in their corner, looking out for their best interest. That they are not alone and that they can count on you no matter what.

Even if they are in trouble for doing something wrong, they need to know that. Even though they will have to face the consequences for their actions, you will be there, by their side to help them sort it out.

Make sure that your door is always open. This will discourage them from hiding important things from you, instead, they will come to you and ask for help when they need it.

Children need to hear these words from their parents. It lets them know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are loved and are important. Saying these things carry an immense value and have a deep impact in their lives. 

Every parent wants to raise happy and confident children, and that begins at home. So even though every child responds to different words and actions, we should always do our best to lift them up using our words of affirmation and love.

Psss… You might be interested in reading How To Build Your Child’s Confidence, The right Way.