7 Thoughts That Make Us Feel Like We Are Failing As A Mom And Why It Shouldn’t

The dishes are piled up in the sink, beds are not made, there are children running around with shirts stained with whatever they had for breakfast. You don’t even remember when was the last time you vacuumed and suddenly, you realize, that you also don’t remember when was the last time you bathed the kids. Does this sound familiar?

Believe it or not, most moms have this moment. The moment when you sit back and think to yourself… I suck.

As a society we tend to always measure ourselves by these ideals that have been established as the “right way of doing things”. And as moms, we definitely feel the pressure. When you talk to other parents, it is not rare to hear the mom who makes a five-course meal every day and homemade desserts. The one that never skips story time at night and that narrates her entire day every day to her baby to encourage speech. The mom that claims to do it all and do it perfectly. This only helps to build our own doubt and insecurity. When we begin to question if we are even doing it right. Let me let you in on a little secret…it…is…not…real.

It just isn’t possible to do it all and do it perfectly. We are all just too afraid to admit that there are days that you do not even comb your hair because there were other things that needed to be done and were more deserving of that energy than your hair. Or that when your older kid was at school, you and the baby just stayed on the couch almost all day because you barely got 3 hours of sleep the night before. Or how you just decided that today just wasn’t a shower kind of day. Maybe tomorrow, you say to yourself while trying to just stay sane.

These are some of the things that have crossed my own mind or have heard others worried about. I want to share them with you and what I would tell that mom that has these same thoughts overwhelming her.

1. “I don’t know what I’m doing”

This is totally normal. We all have these moments. Whether it is we are a new mom or our kid has entered a new milestone. We just feel overall unprepared for the task. I still remember the day that I was home alone with my first baby. I wondered to myself what was I going to do with this little baby by myself. Could I do this on my own? Or as my kids get older and I face a new challenge or just a new phase in their lives, I wonder the same thing. Can I handle this?

And the answer is yes, we can. It is scary and overwhelming. Suddenly, you feel the weight of responsibility over your shoulders. But even though is a long road, it’s also a very beautiful and pleasant stroll. Change one diaper at a time, take feedings one at a time and just take one day at a time. Before you know it, you’ll realize how well you are doing and that you are acing this mom thing.

2. “I yelled at my kid, I’m a terrible mom”

I think we can all agree that we have to do our best in keeping our cool with our children but sometimes is just not possible. You are going to find yourself raising your voice and yelling at your kids because we are human (I’m not referring to uncontrolled and abusive behavior. This is not acceptable).

We are not perfect. And if we are being honest, children can bring out the monster in even the purest of saints. Cut yourself some slack, you are not a bad mom. And if you feel your reaction was too much, work on it so you can regulate them better the next time they drive you up a wall.

3. “Frozen foods are the worst and here I am feeding them to my family again”

Sure, to a certain extent. But there is nothing wrong in pulling out a frozen pizza or frozen meal at the end of the day to feed your family. Especially if it has been a tough day, a long day at work or you are a single parent just trying to juggle and do it all. There is no shame in feeding your family to the best of your abilities. And if frozen food is the way, then go right ahead.

4. “They have gone over 2 hours of screen time; I’m just letting them become couch potatoes in front of the tv”

Listen, I hear you. There is nothing wrong with having a set time of screen time. Even pediatricians recommend it. And if this is your style, more power to you. However, if one day you decide to let your kids be on their tablets or watch tv for more time that you consider it to be a sensible time, that’s ok.

Don’t beat yourself over it. Don’t try to convince yourself that suddenly, you are the worst mom in the world because your kid watched Cocomelon for 3 hours straight. It’s ok to take a break. It’s ok not to have every hour go according to schedule.

 

5. “I have failed to keep a routine”

You know what that’s called, life! Life NEVER goes according to plan. We know this. We even advise other people on this. But somehow, we always come down so hard on ourselves. Maybe we had planned a fun learning activity with our little tornado bundle of joy. But little Timmy is just not up for it today. Or maybe, you got sick and can barely watch your little angel.

That’s ok! Don’t beat yourself up. It happens. Maybe the plan today has changed to cuddling and watching a show together and laugh about their silly adventures. Bonding day.

6. “Oh no, I let them eat chips and is not nutritious”

We can all agree that chips and sweets should not be the main food source of any child’s diet (or adults! I see you fellow cheese puff lovers). But what is wrong with a chip here and there as a snack when the child has a healthy balanced diet. It does not make you a bad parent just because your child enjoyed a little snack. It was just a snack for crying out loud. Don’t sweat it. It will not make or break your kid.

7. “I don’t have enough money”

As parents we always want to give our children the best and have them lack for nothing. Unfortunately, that is not the reality for many of us parents. We are not able to get all the toys that they see on tv or toys that their friends talk about. Maybe you can’t afford the latest fashion and are just making ends meet.

This does not make you a bad parent.

Love and happiness are not tied to wealth. Obviously, it’s a conductor that allows to provide for our families. Such as shelter, food and clothing. But please know that not having this financial freedom, does not equate to your quality and worth as a parent. What really matters is that you are providing your child with love and are doing your best to create a happy and safe childhood for your children. Remember, quality over quantity.

So let me say this to you:

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE A PERFECT PARENT TO BE THE BEST PARENT

Focus on the fact that your child is loved and taken care of. That you have a happy child in a safe home where they can be themselves and discover what are their interests. The fact that your child is alive and well is already an accomplishment and a testament of the wonderful job you are doing. When you see them smile, is your child’s way to show you that they are happy and that they thank you for giving them such a wonderful life. Do not be discouraged. You are doing great. I know that your days are long and right now you feel like you are failing at this.

But you are not.

The fact that you ponder regarding your aptitude as a parent shows how much you care. Bad parents do not lose sleep over this, good parents do. So just keep ahead. Trot forward. And just know that you are the best parent to that sweet soul that stares up at you.